By Brittany Schank, LCSW and Owner of Solace Counseling
I’m a 37-year-old business owner, mental health therapist, a Veteran of almost 20 years of the United States Air Force, a wife, and a mom to four little kids. I’ve done some really incredible things in life: I’ve written a book, narrated countless audiobooks, built a thriving business from literally nothing, and have the privilege of employing a team of top-notch, highly skilled professionals. Oh, and my biggest feat of all, I married the most handsome man in the entire Midwest!
I’m the loudest person in the gym when my kids compete, and you better believe I can beat just about anyone at Uno, Phase 10, and Yahtzee. I have a lot of gifts.
But here’s something most people don’t know, and honestly, I don’t love raising my hand to say it. For the first time in my life, at 37 years old, I walked into a therapy office for myself. To face the memories, fears, and darkness I’ve spent most of my life trying to tuck away
If you stopped reading in the first paragraph, you might assume I have it all together. But trust, I’m human too. I’ve had to pull myself up by the bootstraps more times than I can count, and I reached a point where I had to admit that I needed help. And that realization came with shaking hands, a racing heart, and a twinge of embarrassment I wish I could deny.
About Brittany Schank
Brittany is Schank a licensed clinical social worker, owner of Solace Counseling, a group counseling practice with two locations in North Dakota, and Founder of the Solace Co Directory, a directory for therapist supervisors, supervisees, and consultants to find one another.
She is a firm believer that we need less fixing and more loving, less perfection and more appreciation for who we are, and less criticism and more encouragement around us.
Brittany can be found in her spare time with her husband chasing around their four young children, working at her therapy private practice, or all geared up for her part-time military career. Brittany is an audiobook narrator and author of “Narrating Audiobooks: Everything You Need To Know To Get Started”.
Brittany identifies herself as a time management guru, lover of all things coffee, and takes pride in her competitive but humorous nature.
What Got Me Here?
I realized the version of me who showed up every day wasn’t the full, authentic me.
’m a pro at people-pleasing, maybe even schmoozing. I love going deep with others, but I like the spotlight to stay on them. It’s the safe way. I learned early on that keeping the peace made life easier than speaking up. I also learned to work hard, never stop, and never ever disappoint
Some of those traits have served me well. Others have drained the joy right out of me. It was time to figure out which was which.
If you asked my (incredible) therapist, she’d probably tell you that during our first few sessions, I could barely talk. I was terrified that if I opened my mouth, the tears would come, and I wasn’t sure I could manage them without making her uncomfortable. Protection of others was drilled into my brain, and I couldn’t even rescue myself from it.
Part of me didn’t even want to remember what had happened. There were so many events to recall, it felt safer to ignore them. Maybe if I ignored them, they wouldn’t be real. I could stay in my perfect “La La Land” where everything was tidy, cozy, beautiful, and safe. But therapy isn’t about staying comfortable; it’s about stepping through the authentic door and stopping myself from continuing to leap into the people-pleasing door.
That’s where I am now: learning who I am, what I stand for, and which wounds need tending. It’s scary. I’m still scared.
Can You Relate?
Maybe you see yourself somewhere in my story.
Do you have wounds you’re afraid to heal? Do you ever wonder, Who am I really? Do you replay conversations in your head for hours, maybe even days? Is it hard to get out of bed? Hard to show up in public? Maybe it’s hard to get the memories to go away? Do the memories create shame?
And here’s a tougher one: are there things in your life you’d rather not talk about? Think about? Memories you’d prefer to keep buried? Things you wish your brain would stop saying?
Same. You’re not alone.
When To Seek Help
In my clinical experience (and personal experience), people often wait too long to get help. We tell ourselves things like, “Someone else needs it more,” or “Other people have it worse.” You may even be like me and say, “not ready yet.”
Mental health is a lot like sports: the longer you sit out, the more skills you have to go back and learn later. It’s never too late, but waiting just makes the climb longer and harder.
Here are a few signs it might be time to start therapy:
You’ve thought about it. Deep down, you already know it could help.
You’re finding life difficult. Maybe it’s decision fatigue, low confidence, anxiety, low mood, or just feeling stuck during a transition.
Something big happened. A death, deployment, diagnosis, divorce, trauma, or major life change. All of these are valid reasons to seek support.
You just feel “off.” If your joy, calm, or sense of self has faded, that shift alone is reason enough to reach out.
Definitions to Know
“My definition of a traumatic event: an event that occurred that was surprising and created a big emotional response.”
Anxiety
an abnormal or overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physical signs (such as tension, sweating, and increased pulse rate).
Depression
Loss of interest or pleasure that lasts two or more weeks and is accompanied by irritability, fatigue, poor concentration, sleep disturbances, weight gain or loss, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, and sometimes suicidal tendencies.
Stories of Healing
Names and details have been changed to protect confidentiality, but these stories are real examples of courage I’ve witnessed.
Mabel
Age 87
Mable came to therapy carrying the weight of childhood abuse—physical, emotional, and sexual. Through trauma narrative therapy, she painstakingly revisited and wrote her story. She cried, laughed, and avoided, and then came back again. “It’s never too late to do the work,” she’d say. “I don’t want to leave this world holding this heaviness.” When she finished her narrative, she found both peace and pride in her bravery
Jack
a man in his 30s
Jack came in for a gambling addiction, worried his wife would soon find out. As we worked together, he opened up about his time as a war Veteran, which involved memories he had buried for years. Over months, Jack began to separate “then” from “now.” He learned to release his shame and guilt that followed him home from war. He started sleeping better, finding joy in sunsets, and understanding that his addiction wasn’t about money, it was about trying to control the uncontrollable.
Josie
Age 22
Josie was the “perfect” college student. Straight A’s, leader of every club, and admired by everyone. She was utterly exhausted. Behind the mask, she was lonely and constantly anxious about what others thought of her. When asked by her therapist to name three things she liked about herself, she couldn’t name one. She just cried. The words couldn’t come out, and her brain proved every good thing she could think of wrong. Together, we worked gently to quiet her inner critic, to see the good she couldn’t yet recognize, and to quiet those self-defeating thoughts. Over time, Josie learned that perfection wasn’t her identity, courage was.
John
Age 41
John is a physician who carried the weight of his career and his family entirely on his own shoulders. But there was something else he’d been carrying since childhood, a trauma that the adults in his life told him never to talk about. So he didn’t. John complied, just as he always did. But the compliance didn’t bring peace. Beneath the surface, anger lingered. It was powerful, unpredictable, and exhausting. Through traumafocused therapy, John began to explore those long-buried memories and understand that his anger wasn’t the problem; it was a symptom. Underneath it lived a deep sadness and a young boy who had never felt safe enough to be protected. Over time, John learned to face the memories without needing to run or hide. He found compassion for his younger self and developed a steady understanding of the intensity of his emotions. Today, John feels more connected to himself, not because the past disappeared, but because he finally made peace with the parts of himself he once had to silence
Symptoms of Trauma:
- Avoiding distressing memories or reminders of an event
- Physical reactions (sweating, racing heart) when reminded.
- Difficulty recalling parts of the event
- Exaggerated startle response • Irritability or anger outbursts
- Sleep disturbances
- Persistent negative beliefs about oneself
Find Help
If any of this resonated, please reach out and find the right counselor for you. Healing exists and is possible.
At Solace Counseling, we’re honored to walk beside you through life’s hardest chapters. And if you or someone you love is in crisis, please call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or dial 911 for immediate help.
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