By Priscila Ulloa, Attorney, SW&L Attorneys
Divorce is often perceived as a battle, filled with acrimony and contentious legal proceedings. However, there is a growing movement toward a more amicable and constructive approach: collaborative law. This method offers numerous benefits for all divorcing spouses; particularly for families with children. When parents can divorce with dignity and maintain a cooperative relationship, it creates a healthier environment for all involved, especially the children. Collaborative divorce not only addresses unresolved issues from the marriage but also prevents the transfer of trauma to the next generation. The conclusion of a divorce through the courts does not signify the end of the journey, as the events during and after the divorce have lasting impacts on real lives and families. As an attorney committed to fostering positive post-divorce relationships, becoming trained in collaborative law was crucial for me. In my view, the “pitbull lawyer” approach is not the best in family law. Why? After the attorneys are no longer involved, the ex-spouses will need to co-parent until their children reach adulthood. If the attorneys’ actions during the divorce only fueled animosity, effective co-parenting becomes nearly impossible. For this reason, I recognize the long-term communication needs of families and strive to support them through this transformative process.
Understanding Collaborative Law
Collaborative law is a legal process that emphasizes cooperation over confrontation. It involves building a multidisciplinary team of neutral professionals, which includes attorneys, financial specialists, divorce coaches, family specialists, therapists, and more. The beauty of this process lies in the collaborative effort between the couple and their attorneys to assemble a team tailored to that specific family’s needs. Not every situation will require every professional on the team, but it’s reassuring to know that the option is available. When a collaborative law attorney is hired, they will look at the facts of the case and guide the parties as they select the roster for their team. The collaborative process is grounded in the principles of respect, transparency, and shared decisionmaking, aiming to minimize the emotional and financial toll of divorce. Unlike traditional divorce litigation, which often pits spouses against each other in a courtroom setting, collaborative law encourages open communication and problem-solving. Both parties agree at the outset not to go to court and to work collaboratively toward a resolution. If either party decides to pursue litigation, the collaborative process terminates, and both attorneys must withdraw from the case, requiring the couple to find new attorneys. This requirement ensures that everyone is committed to finding a peaceful solution.
The Advantages of Collaborative Divorce for Families
- Preserving Relationships: One of the most significant advantages of collaborative divorce is its focus on preserving relationships. When parents can maintain a respectful and cooperative relationship postdivorce, it benefits their children immensely. Collaborative law provides a framework for effective communication, helping parents to co-parent more effectively and reduce the emotional stress on their children.
- Minimizing Conflict: Traditional divorce proceedings can be adversarial, creating a hostile environment that can exacerbate conflicts and negatively impact children. Collaborative law aims to minimize conflict by fostering a cooperative atmosphere where both parties work together to find solutions. This approach can lead to more amicable settlements and a smoother transition for the entire family.
- Addressing Unresolved Issues: Many marriages end because of unresolved issues that, if left unaddressed, can carry over into the post-divorce relationship. Collaborative law provides an opportunity to tackle these issues constructively. With the help of divorce coaches, mental health professionals, and other experts, couples can address underlying problems, learn new communication skills, and develop a healthier co-parenting dynamic.
- Preserving Assets: The contentious litigation process can raise emotions and ultimately prolong negotiations, leading to increased legal fees and court costs. A typical divorce that results in a trial could cost you upwards of $30,000. That is assuming you have an easy case. More emotionally charged cases can cost you upwards of $50,000. Collaborative law includes professionals who help parties manage their emotions constructively. This support can prevent emotional outbursts from derailing negotiations, resulting in a more efficient and cost-effective process.
- Creating a Tailored Agreement: In a collaborative divorce, the couple has more control over the outcome. The couple works together to create a settlement that is tailored to their unique needs and circumstances, rather than having a judge impose a one-size-fits-all solution. The flexibility of collaborative law allows for more creative and personalized arrangements, which can be particularly beneficial for families with children.
- Protecting Children’s Well-Being: The well-being of children is a top priority in collaborative divorce. The process encourages parents to focus on the best interests of their children and to work together to create a parenting plan that supports their development and stability. By minimizing conflict and fostering cooperation, collaborative law helps to shield children from the emotional turmoil often.
The Collaborative Process: How it Works
Step #1 – Each spouse picks their collaborative law trained attorney
Step #2 – Build a team roster of professionals
Step #3 – Meet with the team of professionals and obtain the tools needed to build your bridge
Step #4 – Transparent disclosure through discovery process
Step #5 – Negotiate the divorce agreement (settlement stage)
Step #6 – Obtain the final divorce decree
The collaborative process typically begins with each spouse selecting a collaboratively trained attorney. You can find a list of collaborative law trained attorneys like me at nddivorce.com. The couple and their attorneys then sign a participation agreement, committing to the collaborative process and agreeing not to go to court. This agreement sets the tone for a respectful and cooperative approach to resolving issues.
Next, the couple and their attorneys work together to build their team roster. Once the team roster is selected, the couple, their attorneys, and other professionals, such as financial advisors and mental health experts, participate in a series of meetings. These meetings are designed to facilitate open communication, identify the couple’s needs and goals, and develop solutions that work for both parties. For example, including a financial specialist on the team roster can be extremely advantageous, as their expertise goes beyond simply evaluating assets and debts.
These professionals offer in-depth knowledge in managing the financial aspects of divorce. For instance, they can assist in maximizing home equity, optimizing tax savings, budgeting for your child’s college fund, and making the most of Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) dollars. Their guidance helps ensure that financial decisions are made with a long-term perspective, reducing future disputes and financial strain.
Then comes the process known as ‘discovery.’ Here, the couple is encouraged to be transparent and share information openly. Instead of formal discovery procedures like subpoenas or depositions, parties voluntarily disclose relevant information and documents to each other. Information is exchanged informally and directly between the parties and their attorneys. This can include financial documents, statements, and any other relevant materials necessary for making informed decisions. This approach can lead to more satisfactory outcomes regarding parenting schedules and the preservation of family assets.
The next step is to negotiate the terms of the divorce agreement.
In a traditional litigated divorce, the parties typically do not interact directly. Communication occurs through their attorneys, and when negotiations happen in person, the parties rarely see one another as they are separated into different rooms. On the other hand, in the collaborative process, the parties and their attorneys negotiate the terms of the divorce in the same room, at the same table, in a team-like setting. Lawyers in collaborative law are trained to move beyond “positional” bargaining, which involves trading offers and often results in a “winner” and a “loser,” and instead, they use an “interest-based” negotiation method to create win-win solutions.
Finally, after reaching an agreement on the terms of the divorce, the parties will sign the divorce agreement, also referred to as a stipulation or marital termination agreement. Subsequently, the attorneys will submit the agreement and any required documents to the court for final approval. Generally, the court approves the agreement, and upon approval, it becomes the final divorce decree. Once the divorce decree is entered, you will begin to move on with your life but must still adhere to the requirements outlined in the decree. For this reason, it is essential to negotiate the terms of the divorce decree carefully, as it will have a long-lasting impact on the couple’s life and that of their children.
In Conclusion
Collaborative law offers a compassionate and constructive alternative to traditional divorce litigation. By focusing on cooperation, communication, and mutual respect, it provides a pathway for families to transition through divorce with dignity and grace. For families with children, collaborative divorce is particularly beneficial, as it fosters a cooperative co-parenting relationship and minimizes the emotional impact on children. By building bridges between divorcing parties, collaborative law ensures that families emerge from the process with stronger, more positive foundations for the future. As a dedicated collaborative law attorney, I am committed to helping families navigate this challenging time with compassion and understanding, ensuring that they experience the full benefits of this transformative approach. Call me today at SW&L Attorneys if you are interested in learning more about collaborative law 701-297-2890.
SW&L Attorneys
4627 44th Ave S, Ste 108, Fargo, ND
701-297-2890
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